have you ever sat in front of the computer and vegetated for so long your body starts to feel unproductive? like actually sat in front of the computer, no one messaging you and you aimlessly clicking around, for hours? ughhh @_@ i hate that feeling.

anyways, trai came over last night and we hung out. or rather, we talked, i went to get food from justins and never returned because i have succumbed to my how i met your mother temptations -_-.

once again, i have become a crazy person. i cant seem to grasp the fact that nathan and i are supposed to do this friends thing. i keep treating him like we are going out. i need to remember we are not. and probably treat our situation right now as if he was my friend that i have feelings for. cuz in that case, i would never have the guts to show my true emotions (how annoyed i get when he doesnt reply/call back/text back/initiate any of those) and cover it up with a smile and an "i dont care" attitude.

trai read my convo and shes like stop using "like" and "yeah". but my defense is that i am actually typing all my anger into the message and then i backspace out the anger and i start with like/yeah -_-.

but honestly, i am so mad at him sometimes. like this is common courtesy. TELL ME BRB/BYE WHEN YOU LEAVE. holy shit. especially if he knows that i put him above everything. like SERIOUSLY. omg im so annoyed. so yesterday i was doing that unproductive thing again and i actually was about to get up and go do something when nathan went on and messaged me. and i was like yay, ok i'll stay for a bit longer. like we had maybe 10 min of talking and then he disappears for 20 minutes. and never returned. omfg like i was actually going to do something productive in my life, i decided to not for him and then it turns out that i wouldnt have talked to him anyways, so this is a lose-lose situation. fuck you.

im very angry right now and all this sleeping late/waking up early thing is killing my liver. my stomach/liver/abdominal area actually feels as if its on fire every morning. and this tea (which feels very "hot air", is not helping it).

fuck you, nathan chan.