i feel like crap because everytime i think nathan and i are getting somewhere, i try to think it over clearly before i get my hopes too high and then i realize we arent really far from point zero.

and i just read the list of things guys should do for girls just because, and its all these things i wish he would do but he doesnt do. it fucking sucks.

i just want to have SOME answer. i even want him to be mean to me just so i know its no and its time to move on.

if i had one wish in life, i'd live my life waiting on nathan and seeing where it goes. if it works out great, i wont use that wish, but if it doesnt work out at all i would use that wish to come back here and choose to move on.

it friggen sucks being in my position. it sucks ass. it hurts like a bitch and i wouldnt wish this on anyone.