don't make someone your priority if you're only their option.

why does this quote always come back to me? -____-" anyways, i saw it on glady's name when i was quite discouraged after trying to call nathan @_@. yeah i kno i said i wouldnt, but i tried and the phone didnt work. so that sorta made me feel like ok... w/e dont bother trying, he might be asleep anyways and he has work 2mrw. plus it looks dumb on my end anyways, telling him we cant talk anymore and blah blah blah, then the very next night i call him.

im really tired at the moment so i dont think ill get this all down. correctly, anyways.

im scared that he will find someone else. i trust hes not on the lookout for a new girl, im just... scared that someone else will stumble past him and he'll fall in love with her. he also said his next relationship he'll put his all in it, and he'll know what not to do. i also remember him telling me when we broke up that he's gonna hit 21 soon and that he'll need someone to marry or w/e. so i'm guessing the next one has a high possibility of lasting forever with him.

i dont kno if what im doing is right. will this close all doors for us, or will this raise our chances of starting over again?

i told my mom that ive been upset lately and the reasons why. at first she was really disappointed and upset. she kept trying to convince me that im going back in time and people are supposed to look forwards. but then she asked for the full story, so i told her his side too. and after hearing his side she told me that i cant be so selfish and that hes being mature about this. she also doesnt want to see me hurt him or get myself hurt again. shes like just cool things down... and maybe one day you guys will get back together. but right now is not a good time.

she also mentioned something like she understands him and what he feels and i guess she was impressed with how he's dealing with this, so he's in her good books now. -___-" well i wish he was in her good books in the summer... ughhh

oh yes the last thing i mentioned to her was i wish i wasnt so stupid in the summer and i wish we were together now. then my mom was like even if you guys did get together and you guys dindt mess up, you guys would have hit problems and argue and you would be standing right here on this exact day saying i wish we never got together to me right now. yow jo gee jow mo hut yee. or um... basically if there was always a "if i knew before hand" then there wouldnt be any problems in this world. so just keep looking forwards because if its meant to be its meant to be.

sometimes my mom can piss me off a lot when i tell her my thoughts and feelings but today she made me see another side... :S i dont kno why i never saw it that way before, but i guess we could have had the possibility of not even making it to this day if we went out in the summer. who knows?

i dont kno what im rambling about today, im just really tired...