today i ended things with nathan officially. somehow i feel like this is gonna be a huge regret. like... huge. i dont kno. he wants to start things fresh and so do i, but how can we start things fresh like this? this isnt fresh, this is like... picking up from the last time. its not fresh. 

i miss him so much. i wish he felt the same way about me. 

today i saw alvin and he was being really... i dont know like he asked if it made me uncomfortable and i said it didnt, dont worry, but it did. i knew he wasnt being himself tho, he was tipsy, so i'll excuse his behaviour. we had a bit of a talk and he told me i treated him really badly too. 

oh my god, what is wrong with me? i am the worst person on earth. i wish i didnt go out with alvin and nathan. i wish i didnt go out with anyone and was just content with single life. 

i wish nathan still loved me