i got mad at nathan about kitty again and this time i think i made it obvious and everyone could probably tell i was annoyed at something at least.

i cant help it. the things i said after we talked about it was supposed to mask it and then possibly help me figure it out over time.

actually forget it. im so tired i dont think ill get it out right. lemme write down the main points tho

what i said after we talked and what it was supposed to do
how i felt before
how i felt afterwards
how i felt afterwards and then something happened that i think has to do with killing my emotions completely
how i feel like im being a big baby afterwards

as well other things that are bothering me
my loss of humour
my loss of wanting to socialize (yet wanting to belong)
my loss of finding things cute
i am very cynnical
my inability to keep friends
my inability to make new friends
i am scared i will be lonely when i grow up
i dont think i connect with people very well at all