i cried yet again in front of nathan. i dont know what is wrong with me. but i did and he was like can we reach a conclusion blah blah blah and i decided that the way im acting isnt helping the situation because it gets me all emotional and him all annoyed with me. so i'll just leave it be. im going to do what he did. wait from a far. when he misses me, he'll initiate the talking. otherwise, im just going to be in the distance and see how things go. i could go out with someone, and still be waiting for him, or that person can help me get over nathan officially. who knows.

the other night when i was at nathan's i was incredibly emotionally unstable. i felt like crap that day. then aaron messaged me and we were talking, but i couldnt act normal and come up with anything to say. i just wanted to blow up, and i did. -____-" the one person i promised myself that i would not talk to about nathan i did. so i guess things between me and aaron are done because i just told him all about nathan and he's going to be like oh she's not over her ex yet, she's off limits. and usualy once you cross that line, you just cant see the person in another way. whatever, its not like it affected me much anyways. frankly, i dont care.

and then viv came to pick me up and i felt so much better. it was a negative correlation- the further i was away from his house, the better i felt. the night ended with me feeling a lot better.

yesterday we tobogganed and it was awesome. AWESOME. : ) originally i had that planned with aaron, but i decided this great idea cant be just shared with one person, so yeah. we started off with just the 6 of us on one small tobaggan and 2 pieces of cardboard which did not work. then more people came with more tobaggans and beer to warm us up. it was sick. on the whim, spontaneous fun. no snow gear at all. just our regular clothing.

WE WILL DO THIS AGAIN!