so my dream didnt get much better than the one in the morning. it was kinda a continuation actually... or like a do-over. it was better but still bad. like nathan wasnt mean or whatever, but the bottom line was its not going to happen again.

after what happened at niagara falls... i dont know, i hope it means he does like me... and not all the crazy thoughts that filled my head on sunday. example being: he wanted sex, but didnt want to come off as a jerk so treated me the way a guy would if he liked her. or he just wanted to give me the ultimate "taste of your own medicine".

i dont know...

today we were talking about why paul likes viv (which we dont know yet...) and i was like why do i like nathan? i always get asked this question and i would like to list why : ) because even though he doesnt really fulfill the "perfect list" i love him : )

- nathan knows what to say to make me feel happier
- he can always make me smile
- he's reasonable (about certain things -_-, like he will tell me when i have a spending problem)
- he knows me inside and out
- he knows my flaws and he's cool with it (or he comes across like he is)
- he is the perfect height for me
- i like how we both are born here and can speak fluent chinese
- i like how he looks like with short hair
- i like how at times he acts young and its not excessive
- i like his smell
- theres always something to be said between us and when there are silences i dont feel the need to fill it
- he is witty, thus not requiring me to be :D
- im not superstituous, but our horoscopes match. we are each other's ideal lover. so its literally "written in the stars" -_-
- despite me not telling him, i like most of his music. the exceptional ones that arent really what he usually listens to are sometimes questionable tho (ie: ladies and gentlemen we're floating in space or something like that)
- when we kiss it feels right
- when we do mindless things i think its the most fun i've ever had (i.e. i can sit in an enclosed room with nothing in it but us and i'd still think it was crazy fun)
- i like his humour
- i like the sound of his laugh
- i dont know if we classify this under here, but even though i complain about his reckless driving i am actually really comfortable in the car and not worried (even though i do act it so he might try to drive safer, cuz in the back of my mind i still know its dangerous) and i can go to sleep easily. so i guess i feel safe with him

i love nathan chan. im hoping not to screw things over again this time around.

aaron's been messaging me again today, but we're gonna keep it as friends because i know nathan is better than aaron.

im also declining invites to parties :D cuz im a good girl!

ahhhhh mr nathan chan : ) you have a giant effect on me